Pepsi v.s. Coke (Pepsi’s Obviously Better

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Iain Kantorski, Editor

    1893… the first year anyone had truly lived. The year that the legend, Pepsi Cola, was invented.

    The crisp taste that encompasses the perfect mix between carbonation and sweetness is far too delicious to forget.

    “The flavor and the carbonation make the soda,” confirms our interviewee. “The design and the logo draw you to it, and after that, you’re just satisfied.”

    Then there’s the other one. The one that “supposedly” was good, but a recent change (and attempt to imitate the infamous Pepsi Cola) sent it way down to the bottom of the charts.

    It’s even difficult to mention the name Coca Cola when recalling the brutal burning of taste buds as the relentless carbonation sizzles down your aching throat. The chills it causes when bringing back the horrific experiences are unbearable.

    Coke’s cult following calls its taste, “immaculate” and “clean”. Their views however, are falsely rooted in the incessant lies that have constricted their tongues.

    Pepsi has never allowed for the inhumane marring of taste buds. Pepsi is the soda that can complement any meal, and for some, it is even said to be the essential key to a good day. This refreshing concoction of sugar, caramel, lemon oil, nutmeg, and countless other tasteful ingredients has been the number one go to drink for millions and has left its competitor in the dust.

That competitor (Coke) originally felt the need to use small amounts of cocaine in coca leaves to captivate its brainwashed audience. The formula has gradually changed throughout the years, but continues to take advantage of the long tormented following that it holds.

“Pepsi just sucks,” these Coke fiends say. Little do they know, they are trapped in a world of falsehoods and constant disappointments that suppresses the true possibilities of their lives.

One thing to take away, is that this conflict is not worthy of argument, but instead pity for the helpless souls that are beaten down day after day by the Devil’s drink—Coca Cola itself. The masses can only hope that Coke lovers will soon forget their evil ways and find the road to glory with an ice cold glass of Pepsi.